Yo Mama

Yo mama.

She's great, I know.

If she's anything like my mama she's your good friend.

And you talk about everything, right?

No, not right.

Yo mama did not tell you about some things. It's true, I promise.

At least my mama didn't tell me about everything.

And neither did anyone else for that matter.

Like, for instance, why didn't anyone mention that if you color your foot black with Sharpie to hide the fact that you got a run in your pantyhose BEFORE you left the house that it wouldn't come out for three days...and counting?

Now, I love a good Sharpie, but there's a reason why you're not supposed to use it on your skin.

Consider yourself warned.

But you probably don't need that warning.

Because you probably wouldn't do that...on account of the fact that you don't have baby brain...piled on top of mom brain.

Well, good for you. But I do, which means I can't come up with simple words like "cough drops" and "picture frames" when in everyday conversation with co-workers.

You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

And my mama didn't tell me about that either.

That I would completely lose my brain after having babies.

I'm thinking about getting some Ginko Biloba...or maybe just one of those 5-hour energy drinks.

Don't judge me yet.

I can still perform complicated tasks like concatenating. It's the easy stuff like, you know, conversation...and stuff...that eludes me.

See what I mean?

But again, unless you can not only say concatenating, but you know what it means and you can perform it for me as proof, you are not allowed to make fun of me.

Let's talk about why you can make fun of me.

And you guessed it, yo mama didn't tell you about this either.

So, I have a little human being making eyeballs inside my belly, right?

And he's busy in there. So he's not paying any attention to where his hands and feet are flying...or his disturbingly pointy head and bottom for that matter.

And I have no control over that.

Which means I have no control over...other things.

Let's just say if we are friends...have a little compassion about letting me use the bathroom in every store we walk into. Or pretending that you don't smell that.

Because I'm going to pretend that I didn't do it.

Deal? Good.

I know there were other things I wanted to mention here, but I can't remember right now.

No really, it's true.

And it's 8:30 pm.

Which, at this point in life, is WAY past my 7 pm bedtime.

So if I remember, I'll be back.

Otherwise, I'll just try to post more often.

I said, try, stop laughing.

White Chocolate Marshmallow Cake Bar

You should make these.

Like right now.

They were eat-the-whole-pan delicious.

And I know, coming from me, that doesn't mean a lot.

What with the dessert-whore situation I have going on.

BUT, in all seriousness these were amazing.

And disturbingly easy to make.

And you probably have all the ingredients in your pantry! Bonus!

Here's the link to the recipe.

Just a few notes on how I operate in the kitchen:

I made them with the graham crackers (highly recommend).

I baked them in an 8x8 pan, as the original recipe suggests.

Of course, I used more marshmallows than the recipe called for...because I could...and when have you ever said, "I wish this had less marshmallow."?

I hope those words have never come out of your mouth - for then we shall not be friends.

Ah, but we are friends. And that is why I share this recipe with you.

Because you know you want some!

So, now you have to go make them.

Because you can't have any of mine.

There aren't any left.

I don't apologize.

Happy Baking!

Yep, Yep, Yep

Let's just get it out of the way and move on.

I haven't blogged in a very long time.

Look back at the last blog and the whole explanation is there.

Mom stuff...yadda, yadda, yadda.

Done.

Moving on.

Halloween!!

Ok, we're not big celebrators of Halloween in our house.

We're more fans of Jesus. You know how it goes.

But we have a little one. And what is cuter than dressing your child up in a ridiculously embarrassing costume and parading him out in front of strangers?

I submit there's nothing cuter.

Except maybe kittens in teacups. That's pretty cute.

But I digress. Halloween.

We took Pookie to the MOA for the...*insert dramatic music here*..."World's Largest Indoor Trick-or-Treat Event"!!

Ta da!

Not because he needed candy, or because we were particularly excited about trick-or-treating.

More because we didn't want to deal with the thugs in our neighborhood who don't understand that no lights on at our house means don't knock repeatedly on the door until our dog is about to have a heart attack and our baby is awakened from his early, but necessary 7 pm bedtime.

Yep, yep, yep.

So, we dressed the little one up like a monkey (VERY last minute CLEARANCE costume scored at Menard's on Sunday night!) and headed out to the Mall for some family fun and some dinner.

And we found both. And then some.

We also found lots of mom dressed in inappropriate costumes, toting around their inappropriately dressed children.

Awesome.

In all my stay-at-home-mom, turtle-neck wearing naivety I forgot that SOME women use this holiday to dress like...well...like ladies of the night...eh-hem!

Yep, yep, yep.

I have a few things to say about that ladies.

1. You are someone's mom. I'm not saying you have to pull out the chest-high jeans, but we don't all need to see HOW you made those babies you're carting around!

2. Lingerie is NOT a Halloween costume. It's not, I promise.

3. The only goodies I want my husband and son seeing have the names Milky Way and Snickers printed on them. So unless your backside and chest-ular area are stamped with these logos - put 'em away!
*And side note: Even if they ARE stamped with these logos - WEIRD - I still don't want to see them - and neither do my boys. Wear a coat. And some long pants. And maybe a scarf.

There, I think I've adequately outlined my thoughts on that.

Until next year. :)

Have a great Tuesday everyone. I'll try to get pictures up soon!